Stuff Today - Issue 7730
Saturday 25 September 2021
International Ataxia Awareness Day
NOAK HOAK, n.A driver who indicates left and turns right.
REVEILLE, n.A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. In the American army it is ingeniously called "rev-e-lee," and to that pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives, their misfortunes and their sacred dishonor.
MEAT AND TWO VAG, n.A threesome involving two ladies and a smiling man who keeps pinching himself.
Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact
Poem Of The Day
A gaseous malodorous
Stinking savage fart
Was all that I could manage
When I spread my cheeks apart.
It wasn't brown or sloppy,
It wasn't thick or long.
But it didn't half pong.
I attempted urination;
I squeezed 'til I was sore.
But I couldn't coax my bladder,
I just parped foul gusts some more.
The queue outside the bathroom
Was quickly getting longer.
But I was fucked if I was leaving
'Til I'd dropped a log-like ponger.
I clenched my buttocks firmly
And pushed with all my might.
I growled and moaned and grunted,
But still I couldn't shite.
An hour passed - I gave up.
I didn't stand a chance.
I sadly left the bathroom
Where I promptly shat my pants.
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