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Stuff Today - Issue 7435

Friday 04 December 2020

St. Norman's Day - patron saint of uninteresting things.

Today's Rodent: Coypu

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

FIUNARY, n.

The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

The Devil's Dictionary

MANNA, n.

A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

Roger's Profanisaurus

KANGAROO POUCH, n.

A large granny fanny, big enough to fit your head in.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

In a year approximately 900 million trees are cut down to make the raw materials needed for American pulp mills and paper

Poem Of The Day

Shiter's Block

What shall I write about today?
I haven't got a clue.
I've written poems on all the things
On which I hold strong views.
And now at last I've drawn a stump,
My mind has gone all blank.
Time, I think, to go upstairs
And listen to some Hank.

Bloody hell! What's wrong with me?
See what I just wrote?
I missed a really obvious rhyme!
It's time to get my coat.
No more poems from me today,
I'm truly out of luck.
I've lost the knack to write rude words,
It seems I'm totally stuck.

Oh no! I just did it again!
My rhymes have gone all bad
Normally I'd have seen that coming.
Oo! It makes me mad.
I just can't seem to end my verses
With a rhyme that's witty
Everytime I try it
They just fail... oh, what a pity.

Right! That's it! I'm giving up.
I'm throwing in the towel.
May as well become a monk
With a robe and cowl.
I'll only end up cross which will
Then make me scream and grunt
And everyone will laugh and say,
"Oh, what a stupid stunt!"

- Mike Stools (b. 1962)

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