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Stuff Today - Issue 8011

Sunday 03 July 2022

St Albert's Day

Today's Arithmetic Symbol: - (minus)

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

PATNEY, n.

Something your next door neighbour makes and insists that you try on your sausages.

The Devil's Dictionary

RECTOR, n.

In the Church of England, the Third Person of the parochial Trinity, the Cruate and the Vicar being the other two.

Roger's Profanisaurus

ON THE NEST, adj.

To be treating one's bird to a big juicy worm.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

Eating 11 pounds of apples will make you gain one pound of weight

Poem Of The Day

Fisty

As I sit here sick and twisted
I dream of being anal fisted
By a man with hairy fingers
As he gives me cunnilingus.

He'll stick his fist right up my cranny
And make sweet juice gush from my fanny.
He'll ram it harder up my bum
Until the brown juice starts to run.

Then he'll use both hands simultaneously
And I'll scream as this will hurt quite copiously,
But after a while my sphincter will be fine
And then I'll be able to fit ten fists up there at a time.

Oh how my sunny face will beam
As I'm fisted by a rugby team . . .
I'm going to have to stop this here,
As this poem's really badly giving me the fear.

Oh dear.

- Kate Rancid (b. 1973)

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