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Stuff Today - Issue 7124

Tuesday 28 January 2020

ANNIVERSARY - (1613) Sir Thomas Bodley died. World's most fervent librarian. In accordance with his last wishes his body was decapitated and his head buried in a book.

Today's Tea: Darjeeling

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

WACCAMAW, n.

An exotic Brazilian bird which makes its home in the audiences of BBC Light Entertainment radio shows and screeches when it hears the word 'bottom'.

The Devil's Dictionary

DRAMATIST, n.

One who adapts plays from the French.

Roger's Profanisaurus

BERTIE, n.

1. Male homosexual.
2. A charlie.
3. adj. Of a woman, to be blessed with morals as slack as a brewer's cock. From the spoonerism Bertie Ditch = dirty bitch. '...or should he go for saucy number three, who sounds well bertie and takes it up the council?' (Graham Skidmore, voiceover on 'Cilla's Blind Date', LWT).

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

Following directions off the Internet and chemicals obtained from a mail order company, a team of U.S. scientists created an identical copy of the polio virus.

Poem Of The Day

Poetry

I do enjoy a spot of verse to get me through the day,
But I like it to be funny, and most of it's just gay,
Most the so-called poets, they just make me feel irate,
They never write of toilets, or of how their tits are great.

I just don't care for Sylvia Plath,
Not once has her stuff made me laugh,
And Wordsworth's stuff was long and wordy,
Bereft of words like 'minge' and 'turdy',
And has there ever been less fun,
Than having to peruse John Donne?
Or read a verse by some Rossetti,
I'd rather suck on Mike's spaghetti.
And Keats's sonnets can fuck off,
And that Russian bloke who ends in ...ov,
And those other ones as well, they're shite,
No, That's just it, they're not. That would be alright.

- Kate Rancid (b. 1973)

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