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Stuff Today - Issue 7715
Friday 10 September 2021
South Wales closed for cleaning from today. Re-opens 19 June 2028.
PEEBLES, pl. n.
Small, carefully rolled pellets of skegness (q.v.)REDEMPTION, n.
Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religion, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.We must awake Man's spirit from his sin,
And take some special measure for redeeming it;
Though hard indeed the task to get it in
Among the angels any way but teaming it,
Or purify it otherwise than steaming it.
I'm awkward at Redemption -- a beginner:
My method is to crucify the sinner.
ONE STRING BANJO, n.
A skin-covered instrument upon which a man might strum to his heart's content.Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact
Poem Of The Day
As I was walking down the street,
I fancied a quick bite to eat,
And so I stopped and bought a pasty,
But it tasted rather nasty,
I asked the lady - "Is it off?"
She gave out quite a frightful cough,
"Oh sorry love, I've got the clap -
Would you like your money back?"
Well I was mad, I tell you that,
I shouted at the bitch whore twat -
"You fucking ugly scrubber bitch,
Can't you keep that loathsome itch
Beneath some clothes, or better yet,
Go and see a fucking vet,
You fucking ugly dog, you whore -
You terpid trout with sores that pour!"
Well that poor girl did sob and cry,
Did I feel guilty? No, not I!
I shoved the pasty up her gash,
And ran off with the petty cash.
If you don't read this shit, someone else will!
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