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Stuff Today - Issue 7981

Friday 03 June 2022

St Neot's Day

Today's Former Albanian Monarch: Zog

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

NETHER POPPLETON, n. obs.

A pair of P.J. Proby's trousers.

The Devil's Dictionary

PROPERTY, n.

Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

Roger's Profanisaurus

BOG SNORKELLING, n.

Dirtbox diving. Anilingus.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

When Sony introduced the walkman, it had a variety of different names in different countries. It was called "Soundabout" in the U.S., "Stowaway" in the U.K., and "Freestyle" in Australia

Poem Of The Day

I Wish I Was A Woman

Well, I wish I was a woman,
A woman just like you!
Why, think of all the things
I would do.
I could dream all day about
My empties getting filled
And go with my friends
To the Townswomen's Guild.
I could drink my beer
In half pint jars
And go shopping with you
Looking for bras.
 
Why, I wish I was a lady,
Just like you.
I'm telling you all the things
I would do.
I'd two-time boys,
Play with sex toys.
I'd get pregnant, eat out on a binge
And I'd have fun at night playing with my minge.
 
You're probably wishing I would give it a rest
But I can't help thinking about the size of my breasts.
My tits would be large, larger than yours,
And I'd have a reputation as a right old whore.
But if any bearded cunt declared my breasts to be pert
He would surely find out how much they can hurt.
Why, I'd sandwich his head between my knockers
And make him eat my knickerbockers.
No more would he call me titch
He'll soon find out I'm a right bitch.
So when you're poking your coal sat on the loo
Think well of me - I'm poking mine too!

- Steve

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