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Ode On Shim's Birthday

If you think your life is grim
Just thank God that you're not Shim.
Imagine what it must be like
To live like this poor wretched Kike.
How on God's earth can you wish
To live a life that's so Jewish?
To wear that funny little cap
Must be really really crap.
And being banned from having a shag
Has got to be a total drag.
And never to have a taste of bacon
Surely is just so heartbreaking.
And fancy doing all that praying!
Pretty girls you should be laying.
And if you want to pull your pud
God says that you're not being good.

If your life's a pile of poo
Well, Shim has got it worse than you.
His life is full of nasty things.
He can't get stoned in parks on swings;
He can't go out on Friday night;
He cannot set his farts alight;
He can't discharge a single sperm
'Cos then he's really gonna burn.
He has to go to synagogues
And wear the most appalling togs.
He has to go to Israel
And be all dull and miserable.
He has to go to heaven where
His friends aren't going to make it there.
Eternity he'll spend with God
But who is going to blow his rod?

So all you goys
Go like Kenwood mixers!
For gentiles life is good - be glad!
But for Shim, I'm afraid, it's all really bad.

"No, no, you don't understand, it's ALL really bad."*

*To find out just how bad it all really is visit


If you want to tell Shim that it's even worse
than he possibly imagined you can email him at:


Mike Stools (b. 1962)