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Poochoonz

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Lucky Day

As I was walking down the street,
I fancied a quick bite to eat,
And so I stopped and bought a pasty,
But it tasted rather nasty,
I asked the lady - "Is it off?"
She gave out quite a frightful cough,
"Oh sorry love, I've got the clap -
Would you like your money back?"

Well I was mad, I tell you that,
I shouted at the bitch whore twat -
"You fucking ugly scrubber bitch,
Can't you keep that loathsome itch
Beneath some clothes, or better yet,
Go and see a fucking vet,
You fucking ugly dog, you whore -
You terpid trout with sores that pour!"

Well that poor girl did sob and cry,
Did I feel guilty? No, not I!
I shoved the pasty up her gash,
And ran off with the petty cash.

Kate Rancid (b. 1973)