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Kate Rancid

The Old Lady In The Well

The Old Lady In The Well

There was an old lady who lived in a well.
In it she'd fell
Whilst ringing the bell.
The unfortunate lady was nick-named Old Nell.
It must have been Hell
And boy did she smell.

She lived there alone and she dined on green mold,
Or so I am told,
Until she grew old.
She shivered and quivered and shook with the cold,
But Nell she was bold
With a strong heart of gold.

She stayed in the well for a long time, you see.
She was 103
When finally free.
A man heard her singing whilst chopping a tree.
Oh what could that be?
Thought carefully, did he.

He went off for help and came back with 6 men.
Thomas and Ken,
Johnny, Dick, Paul and Ben.
They all stood there quiet and listened 'til when
They heard it again!
Oh what to do then?

They hunted around for some rope or some string.
They could still hear her sing,
But there wasn't a thing,
And then Thomas saw it an old child's rope swing!
Down the well they did fling,
A seat fit for a King.

Old Nell saw it land and was shocked at the sight.
Could this be right?
It gave her a fright.
But soon this gave way to great mirth and delight!
An end to her plight!
She was high as a kite.

She sat on the swing and the men they did heave her.
They couldn't just leave her,
She might catch a fever.
But the rope on the swing had been chewed by a beaver!
And chopped up with a cleaver
That belonged to a weaver.

And soon it had snapped and poor Nell she did fall.
She clutched at the wall.
The men heard her faint call.
"Oh what shall we do now?" said Thomas to Paul,
"Let's grab her shawl!
And on that we can haul!"

So they reached far below and just managed to catch it!
And they lowered a branch bit
And did carefully attach it.
They did try not to tear, though she said she could patch it,
And soon she was out
And she smelt worse than cat shit!

She stood on the ground and blinked up at the sun.
"We've done it! We've won!"
Exclaimed everyone.
Then they all went off home for some tea and a bun,
And now I am done,
Wasn't that fun?

Kate Rancid (b. 1973)