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Kate Rancid

My Big Fat Arse

My Big Fat Arse

My Venezuelan Beaver Toast was slightly much too hot
It smelt like fresh bananas with the consistency of snot
It wasn't very luscious but it didn't see why not
It looked just like a pheasant that was waiting to be shot

Oh send me down to Satan's lair
I have been bad, I belong there
Oh tie me up and strip me bare
I really really do not care

My congealed balaclava smurf was sitting in the sun
He suffered from a skin disease so he didn't have much fun
He thought the beer was squiffy so he sheltered in his bum
He kept on making handbags 'til his handbag days were done

Oh haul me up and cuff me tight
I am reborn, I've seen the light
Oh fly me like a great big kite
I am the Lord. I feel alright.

My inate self-delusion is as furtive as can be
It thinks it is much cleverer, much cleverer than me
It tries to make me think that I am doing a degree
When really I'm a dolphin which is looking for a knee

Oh sing my song, Oh sing my song,
I am so right I can't be wrong
Oh give me money, fags and beans
And fly me off to New Orleans.


Kate Rancid (b. 1973)