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Kate Rancid

Ode On A Pret-A-Manger Crayfish And Roquette Sandwich

Ode On A Pret-A-Manger Crayfish And Roquette Sandwich

Oh Crayfish sandwich all sprinkled with roquette
I lovingly carried you home in my pocket,
And took you upstairs to be eaten with glee.
I just want to say thanks for being eaten by me.

Your mayo was thick and as creamy as sperm.
Your bread was so soft, yet surprisingly firm.
Your roquette was crisp as a lettuce can be.
Oh thank you, dear friend, for being eaten by me.

Your crayfish was succulent, juicy and pink,
You came in a box that was bluish, I think,
A nice serviette was just thrown in for free!
Oh nice crayfish sandwich! You belonged to me!

Oh nice crayfish sandwich, alas you're all gone,
I feel in your absence I can't carry on,
The time that we shared were the best I have known,
And now you have left me here all on my own.

I feel I can't live without you by my side,
I've let myself go and I've lost all my pride,
I stare at your box, but you'll never return,
I light cigarettes and my arms I do burn.

I went to the doctor, he gave me a pill,
He told me I seemed to be mentally ill,
I told him about your strange fishy allure,
And he sent me away to a place quite secure.

So now, on the 'List of the Mad', my name's added,
And I live out my life in a cell that is padded,
You drove me to madness, my sandwich of fish,
But still your return is the one thing I wish.

Urgh, hang on a minute, I feel rather unwell,
My stomach is churning, my arse is in hell,
I'm just nipping out to the bog for a tick,
I think I'm about to be horribly...


Oh God! Oh my God! You have come back to me!
My sweet crayfish sandwich! Oh how can this be?
I thought you were gone but you're back! Woo woo woo!
You look a bit funny, but I'm sure that it's you!

And now that you're back we will never be parted,
never again will I be broken hearted,
I'll carry you round in my hands, filled with pride,
And one summer's day I will become your bride.

Oh nice crayfish sandwich, my love it is true,
I'll never regurgitate anything like you,
And even though you are all squishy and smelly,
I'd rather have you by my side than inside my belly.

Kate Rancid (b. 1973)