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Kate Rancid

Kumquat Catastrophe

Kumquat Catastrophe

Juggle juggle in the air
See how long he keeps them there!
Up and higher, out of sight,
I hear he does it day and night!

The kumquat juggler, Kumquat Steve,
Produced more kumquats from his sleeve,
And threw them up into the air,
And juggled them round from here to there.

And as the people stared, aghast,
Thinking each would be his last,
Another he would make appear,
And juggle it from there to here.

A hundred kumquats, maybe more!
The audience was hushed with awe,
To see the kumquats flying higher,
Without the need of rope or wire!

Up and off those kumquats sped,
Way up above the juggler's head,
A thousand kumquats, maybe more,
Did, menacingly, sweep and soar.

The crowd of people turned to run,
But alas! Their goose was done,
The kumquats hit them on the head,
And pretty quickly most were dead.

The juggler gasped "What have I done?"
And turned around, as if to run.
But then the final bad kumquat,
Fell from the sky and squashed him flat.

So there they lay,
And moaned and grunted.
A kumquat catastrophe.
Totally cunted.

Kate Rancid (b. 1973)