Stuff Today - Issue 7124
Tuesday 28 January 2020
ANNIVERSARY - (1613) Sir Thomas Bodley died. World's most fervent librarian. In accordance with his last wishes his body was decapitated and his head buried in a book.
WACCAMAW, n.An exotic Brazilian bird which makes its home in the audiences of BBC Light Entertainment radio shows and screeches when it hears the word 'bottom'.
DRAMATIST, n.One who adapts plays from the French.
BERTIE, n.1. Male homosexual.
Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact
Poem Of The Day
I do enjoy a spot of verse to get me through the day,
But I like it to be funny, and most of it's just gay,
Most the so-called poets, they just make me feel irate,
They never write of toilets, or of how their tits are great.
I just don't care for Sylvia Plath,
Not once has her stuff made me laugh,
And Wordsworth's stuff was long and wordy,
Bereft of words like 'minge' and 'turdy',
And has there ever been less fun,
Than having to peruse John Donne?
Or read a verse by some Rossetti,
I'd rather suck on Mike's spaghetti.
And Keats's sonnets can fuck off,
And that Russian bloke who ends in ...ov,
And those other ones as well, they're shite,
No, That's just it, they're not. That would be alright.
If you don't read this shit, someone else will!Tweets by @stuff_today