If you didn't have a bum crack
You're arse would be quite plain.
It would not have a crevice
To cleave the thing in twain.
Instead it would resemble
A smoothly polished dome
With a crater in the centre
Like a rounded volcano.
If you didn't have a bum crack,
You'd only have one cheek
Albeit quite a big one
But you'd still feel like a freak.
Your gait would be all awkward
As your bum would stretch and strain,
And thongs would look ridiculous
And be never worn again.
I'm glad that we've got bum cracks
And only one at that.
Anymore would make us look
A total set of twats.
Imagine five, or ten, or more,
I'm sure that I would hate it.
Who could be turned by arses
That are corrugated?
So raise a glass to bum cracks
As they've sadly been neglected
They hide your hideous brown eye
And should rightly be respected.
Let's thank the Lord for bum cracks
And be glad that we've all got 'em
And drink a toast to that fine thing:
The bifurcated bottom.